So we all know that the state of economy is crap right now. Quite honestly, the event that got us out of was the start of World War II. Well, according to the current news, we are still at war and I don’t exactly see our economy flourishing. I know I’m struggling for a job as well as my other friends. Businesses and restaurants have been shutting down all around town eliminating the chances for a stable income. Yet, since pride is such an American staple, we can’t afford to be seen working . Our spirits would be completely flattened. Coming out of a sarcastic tone, it is rather sad to see new graduates with a master’s degree not getting a job they invested for. We go to college to get a for a job that typically doesn’t ask “Would you like any appetizers?” Anyways, I think the solution is simple to our enormous economic failure.
Zombies. Now it does sound a little ridiculous at first, but some of the effects could be beneficial. I’m not sure if anyone has read the Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, but it could be a pretty useful . Yes there will be drawbacks, like your neighbor might try to eat you every once in a while. It does suck. But, if there was a controllable epidemic think of the new jobs that would be created. A whole new police force would be created in light of the zombie attack. Let’s face it, I don’t think our military is trained to kill zombies. We would need more knowledgeable people who could know how to maneuver around a zombie. I vote that Max Brooks leads the way along with George Romero. A videotape of could be sent to every house to show not only how to kill a zombie, but to show the dangers of the humanity as well. It is crucial that we all cooperate at this point in time or else the epidemic will spread farther than we can control. There is no doubting that this will be an easy feat; controlling an easily contagious virus is like trying to control a wildfire.
Here is the most important factor that must be considered: the zombies must be SLOW. Logically, fast zombies would be much harder to defeat and bodies cannot function at that speed. This means that the disease must not be related to “28 Days Later”. Anyone could maneuver around a slow zombie, unless you are not exactly in the greatest shape. Yet considering that a lot of Americans are fat, it won’t be too difficult to run around a slow zombie who has trouble walking already. This would make our jobs as a zombie militia MUCH easier. In addition to having these enemies to defeat, Americans would be forced to get in shape again. There would be no doubt that there would be a great panic with many people looting stores, but this just means that we would have to limit our diet and be able to run faster than the next guy who wants that can of raviolis. Zombies would not only benefit our economy, but benefit our state of health as well. With our new president, it wouldn’t be much trouble at all to motivate the American people.
We’ve got a great sense of individualism already being raised in this country. It doesn’t matter whether you love or hate America, being raised here gives you this idea that your voice matters. Each person does count in the race against the undead. We’ll need teachers for combat, zombie survival skills, living off of limited resources, living off of nature, strategy teachers, and of course teachers of the sword. Who wouldn’t love to swing a sword at a zombie with all your might pretending it’s the person you hate most? Then again, that person you hate the most could be a zombie. Bin Laden could even be taken down with this new virus! So fuel that energy! After an unfortunate accident with bio-engineering, America could be on top again. As long as we don’t use this new threat of a virus as weapon against other countries, then we can conquer it right?
Besides, who wouldn’t love to see those irresponsible CEO’s and Paris Hilton become a member of the undead?